Yes, It is True You Are Going to Prison

Yes, it is true you are going to prison. It’s not just jittery jail this time. Yeah, it’s true that you will probably receive many insults. People in prison can be very bitchy. There will be many thirsty, daggery insult queens in there. Skinny dudes with terror hiding behind their eyes, their swift tongues. But you will also receive some compliments. Any time there is forced socialization in extremely close quarters, there will be those obligatory insults. Monkeys mark territory with words as cats do with piss. Snaps are territorial pissings, etc. But think. Forced socialization also breeds compliments. You will cause some real head-turning. Sometimes you will receive glowing reviews. You may even blush. So if you are able to focus only on the compliments, you may actually come out of prison with improved self-esteem. You may think it is impossible but look at Eldridge Cleaver. And you’re not even a rapist. But. The truth is you have no friends, you hide from everyone. And now you have the possibility of making friends again. Think of it as the first day of kindergarten. You do have skills. You can teach a murderer to read Jane Austen. Angels will sit on your balls. For doing the good work of karma. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing. I realize you won’t have access to your Etsy. I’m sorry. But that doesn’t mean you have to stop knitting.

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