Fisherman

A man was night fishing at surf’s edge in the darkness of a new moon.

He felt a strong tug on his rod and the battle began with what he thought must be a hammerhead shark. But as he began to win the contest and reeled the creature to shore, he saw a tumble of arms and legs. These were so pale that they glowed with their own sort of moonlight. These human limbs were almost phosphorescent.

It was a boy, he figured a corpse, some luckless soul drowned at sea.

As he pulled the body onto dry sand, using his hands now, he heard a sputtering, and fish-like sounds came from the mouth. Though it appeared to be a boy with long jet black hair, webs and fins were all about the body. This “boy” had human legs. It was not a merman. The creature seemed stunned from having been pulled from its element.

“Speak!” the man commanded the creature.

But it could only gurgle in the air. Perhaps, he thought, it could speak only underwater.

So the fisherman took his club and beat it to death.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

When the fisherman served the flesh of the sea creature in a soup to his son, the boy was puzzled by the strange taste.

“What sort of fish is this?” he asked. A clear distaste was evident in his face, the twisting of his handsome features.

“Monkfish,” the father replied, without looking up from his own bowl.

They had only each other as family. The boy’s mother had died in childbirth. He had learned to trust his father. Though the young man did not like the taste of the strange “fish,” in fact despised it, he dutifully finished the meal.

Soon after that night, the fisherman’s son fell sick. He fell into a torpor and then a fever. He raved in his bed as he tossed and turned. He talked constantly of the sea. He told his father he would die if he were not placed in the sea.

A doctor was consulted but could do nothing. The father felt great shame for having fed his son the flesh of the creature. Oddly enough, he himself had not fallen ill, though he had eaten the same meal.

After more than a week of his son’s suffering and worsening of his condition, the father took his son to the sea. The moon was now restored, bright. He carried the boy to the surf’s edge. He laid him in the soothing, wet sand.

As soon as he began splashing some water on his son’s face, the boy seemed to improve a little. He said it helped.

“These clothes,” his son moaned. The father understood and helped him out of his sweat-drenched vestments. He was horrified to see the fins that had sprouted on his son’s arms, on his legs near his ankles, the webbing between his toes and around his neck.

The boy began to crawl towards the sea.

The father saw him struggling and helped him to reach a depth of water where he could float. He could feel his son growing stronger by the minute as they went further into the ocean.

His son smiled. Then he laughed.

“Thank you, father. Thank you thank you thank thank you….” he said as he swam away.

(This is my adaptation of a Japanese folktale of which countless versions exist.)

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There is no way to talk about it without sounding like witches. Their toys are still found in the forest. Sometimes, you come upon a stuffed animal sitting under a tree, moss growing nearby but the plush pet unmolested by this green fur. The animal will look so fresh, seemingly set down only a moment before, untouched by the weather, the long time they have been there in the woods.  You might believe the child’s hand had just let go, it looks that warm. If things can look warm. You might believe that the child hides behind the trunk of the tree against which the furry pink elephant rests his back. For perhaps obvious reasons of mojo, of superstition, with an eye to good cess, the country folk talk about the children in a thinly-veiled code. For example, they drop off the first letters of their names. Bess becomes “Ess” and Tara becomes “Ara.” Sometimes, they merely use the children’s initials. Everyone remembers how the daughter buried the cat in the box. How the younger boy discovered this, returned with the cat in the box, put it on the dining room table in the house, an offering to his parents. She wept, was confessed. The cat became a religious symbol in their household. Feline martyr. The white cat glowed. Her siblings drew and painted it. Had it been the medieval period, there would have been a stained glass window in which the cat figured prominently, heroically. She forgave the little brother who condemned her. Who outed the witch in her.  And then she took him for a walk deep into the woods one day and he was never seen or held again. She wept. She “lost” him. He was never found. She was very clever. She could roll her spirit shut the way a pill bug rolls its body shut, the way it becomes a little armored pill. The young father (so young he looked more like her brother) saw when she went for the next boy; it was a close call with a snowstorm, a wicked game. A grandfather’s boat was involved. And then the father took her for a walk deep in the woods and “lost” her. He said it wasn’t as easy as all that. He came back with strange marks on him.  Later, he woke up with a tattoo on his body that he had never seen applied. Then the rest of the family disappeared and their house remains empty to this day. The forest remains empty. The trees are still hung, here and there, with little photographs in frames. That is her work. There is always a cool breeze, even in the warmer months. Even in the swamping heat of July. The forest keeps this cool space and its blue shadows. People blame it on a cave, but there is no cave exhaling this cool air. Children who come through know not to touch the little icons of the photographs. Not to touch the trees even. But you can see her entire family in the photographs. And other long-dead people who are mysteries. Which ones are hers? Who knows. The animals sit under the trees. Old stuffed animals with strange eyes of sorts you don’t see anymore on the animal dolls we give our children. Icon eyes. Terror and amusement at once in those old plastic eyes. Strange ecstasy.  Maybe it’s the way the eyes are when one sees a human circus. One knows the horror. A dark part of one might be titillated. She is close. She is listening to us. It cannot be otherwise, for that is what the story tells us. The trees feel compassionate and invite us in. There may be a child’s tea party, the tea laid and waiting for us. Plastic tea set aping porcelain. Teacups steaming. Miniature table. Tiny chairs where tiny witches sit. But they are not what we imagine. We know better. One child walking barefoot encountered a lobster in the middle of the woods. It was crawling along the forest floor, though the ocean is more than an hour’s drive away . Sometimes a cloud will descend on a clear blue day and fill the space between the trees. And some days there are elephants. They seem lost. They cry as they wander through the fog and a girl’s laugh curdles your listening. Some unwise children leave her notes. These she reads. And sometimes she responds. Sometimes she comes to “help.”

A. and J.

There was Abracadabradara.

She was known to be and held to be, when in the arms
or voices of those who loved her, just Abra.

And there was Jamal.

He was Jamal everywhere.

They were poor when it comes to money, but not everything
comes to money. So they were not poor.

The relationship of Abra and Jamal in the world was unspecified;
that is, the world didn’t know what to call it. But that was a problem
for the world and not for Abra and Jamal, who were often
just together. This is how people with unspecified relationships
often are. They are just together.

Sometimes, they liked to eat toast together and read books
together, sitting in a rainy window nook or the window
in the back that looked down on the trainyards.
And sometimes they liked to read books and eat toast
in the rainy nook or the trainyard window. They liked
to mix it up. They did not read toast and eat books,
as some people do. Doubtless, those people were around
Abra and Jamal at many different times, as they walked through
the city on their innocent travels, as they walked down the
sidewalk together, which is what sidewalk is about.  Innocent travels.
I mean, If we examine the matter of sidewalks. So many people
seem to get it confused, what sidewalks are about. But sidewalks
are for that.  The sidewalk is for innocent travels. Yet this gets
so twisted up everywhere. Maybe there should be a guide.

Doubtless it is true, that they were around them
as they walked. The readers of toast and the eaters of  books. They were
not horrid people, they were just different. Probably they were
innocently different as all the flowers are. As flowers are in a field
which is all wild. Everything is wild. Wild doesn’t mean bad.
You know that and I know that but there are some people who pretend
horribly not to know that. What gives them the horrid idea to pretend?
Maybe they are not horrible people, maybe they only have horrible ideas.
I don’t know. You go and check. I will stay here. These people against
wildness are often the wildest people of all. They are the people
who want so often, so terribly, to bite.

You never know what is behind a wall until you get there, and then,
sometimes then, it’s much too much, much too late not to know. Then it is.
Probably you have learned this by going behind a wall and seeing
for yourself. This happens to everyone.

Gorillas

A frustrated man in an unhappy marriage traded in his wife for a gorilla.

It was a male gorilla, but the man put it in a truly vavoom pink polka dot dress, put makeup on its face, and placed a smart, pink toque on its head. The he took the gorilla out, everywhere, just as he had been accustomed to do with his wife.

The man was able to take the lead when they walked together and even steer this “ship of two,” and the gorilla didn’t run away from him in the stores to look at clothing or jewelry or other shiny things such as would formerly happen with his wife.

The man was now able to speak first. He was able to speak as much as he wanted also. But he didn’t know how to speak first and the gorilla couldn’t speak, so they went everywhere together in total silence.

Other men in shopping malls would see the man and his gorilla walking together, the man’s right arm wrapped around the hairy, left arm of his companion in a somewhat forceful, proprietary manner, and use this example, this object lesson, to demean the wives or girlfriends walking beside them.

“She might not be much to look at,” they would say while staring directly into their partners’ faces with the searchlight of an unstated accusation, “but just look at how well he’s got her trained.”

And then the wives or girlfriends would look at the sarcastic, smug expressions on the faces of their husbands or boyfriends and immediately think about replacing them with gorillas.

Erik and I Got Stoned

Erik and I got stoned down by the the golden field where you are supposed to be able to see the ghosts of the two horses that got shot. We got stoned and we waited at the edge of the golden field, leaning on the golden field’s split-rail fence. That’s all going to pieces. It’s going to shit.

The golden field was even even golder tonight, later on this July evening. The grass is nearly as tall as the fence. Nobody really mows it anymore, except the township sometimes, now that the house has been abandoned so long.

The pipe we were sharing had a broken stem. You had to hold the stem in place with your mouth while you sucked the smoke. If you didn’t do it right, you could lose some of the sweet smoke to the gap where everything else was, air and sky and universe. It made you aware of something. It was hard to say.

The horses were supposed to be ghosts, well, just because they were dead, but also because they were shot, I guess. Remember The Amityville Horror? Like that. Except it happened local. This dude had killed his entire family right before Christmas. Guns to their foreheads. They all died in bed. The weird thing is that some of them had their shoes on when they were found dead. Like they wanted to be ready to run if they suddenly woke up to something horrible. Poor bastards. They must have seen it coming. Then he shot the two horses. I used to see him shopping in Giant all the time. Mass Murder Dad pushing his grocery cart just like everybody else. Remembering just what everyone liked best to eat. Buying it for them like a good dad. Was he thinking “final meal” even then, one of those times I saw him, and made eye contact with him?

Where we are now isn’t that far from my house. I went to school with those kids. Now I have dreams of him buying things that should be steak, but in the dream they aren’t. They aren’t steak. They’re his family. The white forms bleeding under the clear plastic in my dreams. As he puts them on the black belt for the cashier’s pretty elf hands to pick up and read. Well, people think he shot his horses after he slaughtered his family. Maybe the horses were first. Who knows. I guess the horses do.

“What did he have against the fuckin horses?” Erik asks. It’s the only question anybody really cares about. We understand that people can drive you crazy. They just will. But horses are like medicine. They’re like calming medicine.

“I don’t know,” Erik said. “I bet horses can be assholes too. Or the money. Feeding them, taking care of them. Vet bills. Whatever. Plus, he was just batshit scrapings-insane.”

What was weird, and really it all was, was that the one horse had died on top of the other horse who must have been dying at that point or already dead. How ‘eckin romantic. Like it was looking down at the other horse, mourning it, which I’m sure a horse could do, and then fell on it. Like in a movie. Romeo and Juliet type doomed horses. Drama queen horses. I wouldn’t want some dead horse lying on top of me if I was dead or dying. Even if I was a horse myself. They seem pretty intelligent, horses. They’ve been warriors for centuries, going right into death with us. I guess they have personalities. I bet some horses hate other horses. I bet they wish they could talk about other horses behind their backs. But they stay noble. Because they can’t talk shit about horses. They can only run their bodies into them to say fuckoff without using words. Sometimes nature gets things right.

We lean on the fence and talk about who’s getting it and who isn’t in our circle of jerkoff frenemies, about Nascar and a little bit about vampire sex, how we think vampire sex really is. Then I rest my right elbow on the fence and stick my hand in my hair, it’s long again, now that Asshole got out of my mom’s house, the deadbeat pedobear. I stare as hard as I can and try to see the ghost horses. They’ve gotta be there. It’s not about the dead family anymore. They’re…the people, they’re just…gone.

Maybe the horses are just more poetic, even if they’re dead in the same way their family is.

It’s now about the horses, this little overgrown yard next to the cabin style house where the two horses seemed to be all the time, mostly just chillin, chewing grass, looking down at the earth, as we drove past, as we often did for so many years, they’re right on the intersection of these useful country roads, and no, I don’t know what kind of horses they goddamn were, if they were Missouri Fox Trotters or Florida Crackers whatever the hell. Probably they were just  the horse equivalent of mutt.

Because I’m stoned, I’m feeling great and don’t really care if the horses appear or not. It would be nice though. I stare at Erik staring into the pen of golden grass, waiting for the horses who took bullets to their brains to jump around, cavort, whinny their supernatural shit in our faces.

Then I jump over the fence and I throw my body down to the ground, right in the middle of those thick grasses and it feels like a mattress store. It feels warm and good. Erik can’t believe I did it like an asshole and says, “Snakes!” and laughs and I say, “Don’t. gib. a. fuck.”

And I don’t. I lie there and feel the ghosts of the horses running all over me. The pit-a-pat of their metal horseshoes, which I wonder if they buried them with. Do horses get buried with shoes? Do people? I lie there and feel the horses running across my stomach. I am just some pervert who gets off on horses running over his body, back and forth. I can almost feel them now and believe they are here, horse ghosts. They are all the sensation in the world, the best sensation in the world, and it is like a second skin you can shed, but somebody else will just pick it up and wear it. Somebody who doesn’t care about how gross it feels. And you will miss it. Because after the feeling of the gross starts to wear off, it starts to feel good. And then you’re a freak, at last. Thank God or the flying spaghetti monster Cthulhu. And I know that’s what I want to be. What I always wanted to be. I want to be a real man who is not afraid to be a freak. This world is full of pipsqueak freaks who hide in the shadows and I just don’t want to be one of them. I’m not vain but I do a little enjoy being on display. Even when girls or guys I like recoil from me it makes me feel sexy. That stank of me. I just want to learn to wear it well and then I know I will get good and hella laid.